Mampus sana,, aku nak meroyan. Aku nak bazir masa and maybe let off some steam (Bennett, okay siapa faham reference tu korang power). It's no secret, I'm in a bit of mess now. Go read my tweets and tell me that I don't need to see a therapist. Sekarang, I assure you that this post will purely be syok sendiri. Aku tak kisah lah korang nak rasa apa (macam ada orang baca je kan) aku saja nak tulis post ni as a way to pour out what is it in my heart.
It started out, we met, unexpectedly. Aku saja je nak kacau kau, aku bosan. Aku hantar sticker kat WeChat, kau balas. We talked and talked and then you told me, I listened. I talked, you listened. People told me to be careful, and I did. Everything I say, I thought over it so that I don't make any mistake. By mistake I mean falling for you but I guessed I failed. I sstarted sharing songs with you. Masih ingat lagu pertama aku share dengan kau. Narmi-Make Me Whirl. Kau cakap kau suka. The more we talk, the more I fell for you. I know it was wrong, I admit it, you admit it. Days go on, we got closer than ever. We talked for hours. Even aku yang malu-malu, tak berani nak call orang pun beranikan diri nak call kau. Why? Because your voice makes everything feels right. Even the darkest nights will turn into the brightest days when I hear your voice. Your presence here with me make me feel like I can take on the world.
Things took a turn for you, you broke up, I made sure I'll be there for you. I listened to you, I do anything that I can to help you get through it. You seemed to be getting better. I thought that you have forgotten him. Aku ingat kau dah sedia. Aku beritahu, kau cakap susah, takde masa depan. Sebab kita lain agama. Aku cakap aku sanggup cuba. Kau cakap kau tak sanggup, aku cakap aku tunggu, kau cakap okay. And then we talked and we talked some more.
Time doesn't stop, something felt wrong. I can feel the distance. Kau mula jauhkan diri dari aku. Aku sedar, aku dapat rasa. Aku cuba lawan. I don't want things to end. Even though we're not talking as often as we used to be now, I never missed a good morning wish. The first thing I do after I woke up, capai telefon, hantar morning text. Keyboard telefon pun dah boleh auto-complete sendiri dah. "Good morning beautiful" Perkara terakhir aku buat sebelum tidur adalah text goodnight wish kat kau. This never stop.
One day, aku keluar, dengan ex kau. Aku nampak kau text dia. Then aku sedar, you still have feelings for him, that's why you closing the door on me. Aku tak tahu nak buat apa. aku takut, aku nervous. Aku sedar, ini takkan ke mana. Aku beritahu kau. Aku cakap terima kasih untuk segalanya. Aku cakap aku dah sedia undur diri. Aku tahu, aku faham, aku sedar yang takkan pernah ada tempat untuk aku kat hati kau tu walaupun aku dah cuba sedaya upaya.
So, sekarang aku jadi macam ni. I'm always depressed. I felt lost. I don't know what to do. Aku yakin apa yang aku rasa terhadap kau tu dulu real, bukan main-main. Ini lah masalah aku, when I fall, I fall hard. Not just those 3 days crush. I love you, I wanna see you be with me. I wanna see Daphne and Noel with my own eyes, playing in front of the porch. I wanna treasure for the rest of my live tapi semua tu takkan jadi. Ingat lagu Stop Crying Your Heart Out yang kau kasi dulu? Ingat lagu More Than This yang aku desak kau nyanyi untuk aku tu? Bila dapat, I smiled like a crazy weirdo that my friends thought that I am crazy but yes sayang, I can love you more than this.
Aku tak tahu lah, aku sendiri tak tahu nak rasa apa dah. Aku rasa kosong. Macam bila kau pergi, kau bawa semua sekali dengan kau. Aku tak rasa aku boleh rasa apa yang aku rasa kat kau dengan orang lain. I don't think I will ever fall in love again. I'm too vulnerable, look at me now.
Aku tahu, aku lelaki. Sepatutnya lelaki kena kuat. Ini tulis-tulis macam ni, kau pondan ke apa? Itulah masalahnya. Tanggapan yang lelaki kena kuat. Lelaki sepatutnya ini, sepatutnya itu. Maaflah kalau aku tak kuat, maybe aku tak cukup lelaki lagi kot. It's just that I never thought that someone can affect me this much. I slept at 5 am now. That's when the depressing thoughts kick in. Like Ted Mosby always said, "nothing good ever happens after 2 am" At day, I do nothing but fret, whine, getting angry at inanimate objects and being depressed. I don't know. I just felt, lost.
Everyday, everytime I see you, tak kisahlah kat mana pun, kat kelas ke, on the TL ke this hearts yearn for your attention. Aku nak cakap hi tapi aku takut itu membebankan kau, aku takut yang aku hanya menuang garam ke luka yang dah sedia ada ni. Aku tak benci kau, aku tak marahkan kau just aku tahu yang aku kena jauhkan diri dari kau. Aku harap kau faham. Aku harap kau happy. Teruskan tersenyum. Kau cantik, bila senyum bertambah-tambah lagi cantik tu. I will be fine. Eventually. Mungkin kita takkan ada closure, mungkin kita takkan bersatu tapi aku tak pernah menyesal jumpa kau. You made my life worth while and for what it's worth, I have a great time while it lasted but now this weirdo is lost and still trying to find his way back.I love you DP I really do :(
Happy belated birthday Acis, you're a big girl now. Be good and listen to your aunty will you? :)
It started out, we met, unexpectedly. Aku saja je nak kacau kau, aku bosan. Aku hantar sticker kat WeChat, kau balas. We talked and talked and then you told me, I listened. I talked, you listened. People told me to be careful, and I did. Everything I say, I thought over it so that I don't make any mistake. By mistake I mean falling for you but I guessed I failed. I sstarted sharing songs with you. Masih ingat lagu pertama aku share dengan kau. Narmi-Make Me Whirl. Kau cakap kau suka. The more we talk, the more I fell for you. I know it was wrong, I admit it, you admit it. Days go on, we got closer than ever. We talked for hours. Even aku yang malu-malu, tak berani nak call orang pun beranikan diri nak call kau. Why? Because your voice makes everything feels right. Even the darkest nights will turn into the brightest days when I hear your voice. Your presence here with me make me feel like I can take on the world.
Things took a turn for you, you broke up, I made sure I'll be there for you. I listened to you, I do anything that I can to help you get through it. You seemed to be getting better. I thought that you have forgotten him. Aku ingat kau dah sedia. Aku beritahu, kau cakap susah, takde masa depan. Sebab kita lain agama. Aku cakap aku sanggup cuba. Kau cakap kau tak sanggup, aku cakap aku tunggu, kau cakap okay. And then we talked and we talked some more.
Time doesn't stop, something felt wrong. I can feel the distance. Kau mula jauhkan diri dari aku. Aku sedar, aku dapat rasa. Aku cuba lawan. I don't want things to end. Even though we're not talking as often as we used to be now, I never missed a good morning wish. The first thing I do after I woke up, capai telefon, hantar morning text. Keyboard telefon pun dah boleh auto-complete sendiri dah. "Good morning beautiful" Perkara terakhir aku buat sebelum tidur adalah text goodnight wish kat kau. This never stop.
One day, aku keluar, dengan ex kau. Aku nampak kau text dia. Then aku sedar, you still have feelings for him, that's why you closing the door on me. Aku tak tahu nak buat apa. aku takut, aku nervous. Aku sedar, ini takkan ke mana. Aku beritahu kau. Aku cakap terima kasih untuk segalanya. Aku cakap aku dah sedia undur diri. Aku tahu, aku faham, aku sedar yang takkan pernah ada tempat untuk aku kat hati kau tu walaupun aku dah cuba sedaya upaya.
So, sekarang aku jadi macam ni. I'm always depressed. I felt lost. I don't know what to do. Aku yakin apa yang aku rasa terhadap kau tu dulu real, bukan main-main. Ini lah masalah aku, when I fall, I fall hard. Not just those 3 days crush. I love you, I wanna see you be with me. I wanna see Daphne and Noel with my own eyes, playing in front of the porch. I wanna treasure for the rest of my live tapi semua tu takkan jadi. Ingat lagu Stop Crying Your Heart Out yang kau kasi dulu? Ingat lagu More Than This yang aku desak kau nyanyi untuk aku tu? Bila dapat, I smiled like a crazy weirdo that my friends thought that I am crazy but yes sayang, I can love you more than this.
Aku tak tahu lah, aku sendiri tak tahu nak rasa apa dah. Aku rasa kosong. Macam bila kau pergi, kau bawa semua sekali dengan kau. Aku tak rasa aku boleh rasa apa yang aku rasa kat kau dengan orang lain. I don't think I will ever fall in love again. I'm too vulnerable, look at me now.
Aku tahu, aku lelaki. Sepatutnya lelaki kena kuat. Ini tulis-tulis macam ni, kau pondan ke apa? Itulah masalahnya. Tanggapan yang lelaki kena kuat. Lelaki sepatutnya ini, sepatutnya itu. Maaflah kalau aku tak kuat, maybe aku tak cukup lelaki lagi kot. It's just that I never thought that someone can affect me this much. I slept at 5 am now. That's when the depressing thoughts kick in. Like Ted Mosby always said, "nothing good ever happens after 2 am" At day, I do nothing but fret, whine, getting angry at inanimate objects and being depressed. I don't know. I just felt, lost.
Everyday, everytime I see you, tak kisahlah kat mana pun, kat kelas ke, on the TL ke this hearts yearn for your attention. Aku nak cakap hi tapi aku takut itu membebankan kau, aku takut yang aku hanya menuang garam ke luka yang dah sedia ada ni. Aku tak benci kau, aku tak marahkan kau just aku tahu yang aku kena jauhkan diri dari kau. Aku harap kau faham. Aku harap kau happy. Teruskan tersenyum. Kau cantik, bila senyum bertambah-tambah lagi cantik tu. I will be fine. Eventually. Mungkin kita takkan ada closure, mungkin kita takkan bersatu tapi aku tak pernah menyesal jumpa kau. You made my life worth while and for what it's worth, I have a great time while it lasted but now this weirdo is lost and still trying to find his way back.I love you DP I really do :(
Happy belated birthday Acis, you're a big girl now. Be good and listen to your aunty will you? :)
"Are we meant to fall in love? Are we supposed to find the one?"
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